Sorry
by LunaNotLoony
Summary: James won her over, but then it all fell apart. Why James hates Lily.


Hello, my name is James Potter, and I am in love. Lily isn't like other girls. She's strong and passionate and fiery, like her hair. How I love that red wave of hair! I just have one problem. Lily Evans hates me with a passion. If I could have Lily, I would be so happy, not just that I proved my irritating mate Sirius wrong, but happy because I love her.

_I hate how I'm so in love with her I am. _

That is what I used to think. It's sad really, how smitten I was. I am serious! Oh god, Sirius is starting to rub off on me... fine, I'm not Sirius, but I'm not joking about.

A few days ago, the most amazing thing ever happened. Lily Evans kissed me, right on the lips. I won't pretend it wasn't perfect. Well, the first kiss, was, as Lily put it, the most unromantic thing ever. Personally, I thought it was like a bit of heaven, but I saw her point- kissing in public toilet, with your friends watching isn't that great. Afterwards, though, I kissed her in a broom cupboard, which is, I admit, pretty cliché. And it was _stunning_. Completely stunning. Being Lily, and a total tease, she agreed to go with me and then went gallivanting off, leaving me shell-shocked. I thought now she'd kissed, it would be all love. Except it wasn't.

I _so_ wanted her to be blown away, on our first date. I'd spent the last two hours brushing my hair, and messing it up. Great use of two hours. It was a disaster. I'm not exaggerating. Disaster.

"Hey, Lily," I said, jumping out from behind a statue.

"Pott- James!" she said, grinning.

_I hate that she still calls me Potter, even though we're going out! If anyone hears, they think she doesn't give a damn about me, because who calls their boyfriend by their surname? Maybe she doesn't give a damn about me. _

"Did I scare you?" I grin.

"No, you didn't, Po- James!"

"I got a present for you," I said, suddenly almost shy_._ "Lilies."

I hand her them, seven white lilies, tied up in a light pink bow.

"Oh, thanks," she said, smiling, and grasps them to her chest. "They're really nice."

Nice?

_I hate how hard I have to try to impress her. Those lilies... I thought they were so romantic. Don't girls like romance? My last girlfriend, Valkerie, blushed and simpered if I so much as held her hand. It annoyed me, to be frank. But I've give everything to have Lily blush._

"Only nice?" I tease.

She shrugged. God, that means she does think they're only nice, but then she spoke.

"They're lovely, but oh, James?"

"What, Lily-Petal?"

"Don't call me that... and I wish you didn't."

"Didn't do what?" I said, confused.

"Be so... intense. Like this is only our first date, and you're giving me flowers, and blushing. It's a bit scary."

"So I did scare you?" I said, laughing, trying to turn it into a joke again.

She sighs, a long, drawn-out sigh that lingers on the wind, and turns slightly away. She looks so beautiful, when she starts to dream, those green eyes have a misty look, like a veil hanging over them, only I dared look to long at her, because I scared too, fuck you, I'm terrified of what she's thinking.

_I hate that she isn't shouting anymore, because it was easier when she shouted; I could tell her to keep her hair on, and wind her up, and best of all, she'd stay around me, fighting, and I'd be able to stare down her bra, if I was lucky, or if I was less lucky, just take in those brilliant green eyes._

"James, I think we should take it easy," she said briskly, after a moment. "Not really date- just be friends- just friend."

"Don't you love me, Lily?" I quibbled, taking her hand.

"I am sorry," she whispered, but yanked her hand away, and the lilies slid between her finger and scattered on the floor.

"But I love you!" I burst out.

"Yes, but- I don't love you. I'm sorry, oh, I'm sorry, I can't help it, but Chad, y'know, my old boyfriend..."

5) _I hate that with a few words, she can pull me apart, take my heart and stamp on it. And I hate even more that she does so sweetly, my heart is still broken, and can't even hate her because I know she doesn't mean to..._

She gives me one last, burning look, and walks away, and you know what, I can't even cry. I'm past tears, I'm in that same shell-shocked state I was before, when she kissed me, only this is worse. Now, I realise that I do. I love her. I LOVE HER. _I love her..._

_I'm sorry, oh, I'm sorry._

I admire how passionate she seems when she tears my life apart. It's like she doesn't hate me. I won't let any other ideas form in my mind, about whether she really hates me, because it's so, so much better like that. Safer. If I think she hates me, I can force myself to think I hate her too.

The rest the of the marauders are coming, and I've an idea of how to prank Snivellus. Ha.


End file.
